Deadly Space-Time Phenomenon



The end result of Deadly's questionable medication, the Deadly Space-Time Phenomenon (DSTP) has been observed to bend the very fabric of time. This, however, is only applicable if everything Deadly says while on ambien is taken as verbatim scientific fact. Despite controversy, scientists have defended this method (known in scientific circles as the Believe Everything He Says Because It's More Fun That Way method).

DSTP Discoveries

 * When someone says "really fast", "top speed", or just "fast", they must be talking about 99.99999% the speed of light.
 * All statements are false unless proven true in an episode of Dr. Who.
 * Dr. Thunder is better than Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper
 * The Higgs Boson is literally God, but he's been traveling through time so much that he's really small or something like that. This discovery may also, in time, prove the existence of hobbits.
 * Global Warming is a hoax created by the Christians and the Martians, who are collaborating to take away our precious carbon dioxide.
 * The amount of raisins in a bucket does not pertain to the amount of raisins that are currently not in the bucket because the bucket is in-fact a raisin itself.
 * It is not the fork that bends, it is only yourself.
 * Periodically claims to have had conversations with God-King Squerl after The Great Ascension.